９月２３日（金）
宮崎などに被害を出した台風１４号に続いて、また台風がやってくるらしい。きょうからまた三連休なのに。今年のシルバーウィークはお天気に恵まれなかったね。
私はきのうきょうと続けてまるまる一日の孫シッター。
きのうは、公園に２回も行った。
孫はブランコが大好きでずっと抱っこで乗せる。ふり向いて私の顔を見てにっこりしてくれる孫娘。今ここの小確幸。自分の子育て中には味わえなかった気がする。なんでだろう。いろんなことが大変すぎてたのかな。ゆとりのない精神状態だったのかな。
子どもはすぐに大きくなり、膝に乗せてブランコするなんて時間はもう戻らないんだ。それが悲しいくらいわかってるから、今の幸せがわかるのだろう。
幸いというかなんというか、娘は私と違って子育てを楽しんでいる。夫や母に子どもを託して自分の仕事も楽しんでいる。仕事ができてるから子育ても楽しめてるのかもしれない。私はしたいことをすべて我慢して子どもたちを育てていた。専業主婦として、夫の働いたお金で生きてるんだからと、家事育児教育・・完璧を求められた。ブランコに揺られながら膝の子どもとにっこり目を合わせて、幸せを感じるゆとりがなかった。もったいないことしたなぁ・・・
私は今の幸せを心から感謝しています。まだ旅には出られないけど、これはこれで二度と戻らない大切な時間。
★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★
Following Typhoon No. 14, which caused damage in Miyazaki and other areas, another typhoon is expected to hit the area. It’s going to be a three-day weekend from today. We were not blessed with good weather during this year’s Silver Week, were we?
I spent a whole day yesterday and today as a nanny for my grandchildren.
Yesterday, we went to the park twice.
My granddaughter loves the swings and I carried her all the time.
She turns her face around and smiles at me. I’m so happy to be here now. I don’t think I could have experienced this when I was raising my own children. I wonder why. Was it because everything was too hard? Maybe I was in a state of mind where I didn’t have enough time to relax.
My child will grow up soon, and the time when I can swing on my lap will never come back. I guess I know that sadly, so I know how happy I am now.
Fortunately or somewhat fortunately, my daughter, unlike me, enjoys raising her children. She enjoys her own work, leaving her children in the hands of her husband and mother. Perhaps she enjoys raising her children because she is able to work. I had to endure everything I wanted to do to raise my children. As a housewife, I was expected to be perfect in housework, childcare, education, and so on, because I was living on the money my husband earned. I didn’t have time to smile and make eye contact with the child on my lap while swinging on the swing and feel happy. What a waste of my life.
I am truly grateful for the happiness I have now.I can’t go on my trip yet, but this is an important moment that I will never return.
★★★★★★★★★★★
今のうちに英語を練習しておかねば！それにしても翻訳アプリはすごいな。